Many would tell me not to be hard on myself or say what I would have done differently, but I think it’s important for my personal growth to analyse how I coped and recognised where I could have coped better in a sense.
For over 12 months I would not put makeup on in the morning, cry in the car on the way to work (30 minute drive), get to work then put my makeup on. This pretty much formed my daily routine.
I rarely mentioned it to my husband (fiancé at the time), rarely spoke about it to my best friend, sister or mum (my mum wasn’t with my dad at the time, they split when I was 10)
I would cry a lot in the evenings when my partner was away with football. Basically at most opportunities I could when I was alone.
I broke down twice to my boss at the time, but didn’t tell my fiancé.
You see I was always the rock, the strong one, the one who could work through anything, so I felt some type of way expressing myself to others – perhaps thinking I would be perceived as weak.
So when I say what would I do differently.. I would be more open to everyone with my down days, I would talk about it more with my husband, family and friends.. and perhaps I wouldn’t feel so alone crying like I did all that time.
Coping with death is hard, but it’s even harder doing it alone – reach out to others, even if you don’t think you need it!